Part 3: The Emotion-Focused Response
Table of Contents
In this section, you’ll see how connecting to feelings rather than correcting with facts can reduce frustration and build trust with the person living with dementia, because emotion remains the strongest and most reliable pathway for connection.
You’ve seen how connection begins when we choose to travel together on the same line – the Emotion Line. Now, let’s return to those earlier scenarios and look at how that understanding can guide what we say and do to better support people living with dementia.
In the examples below, click on each potential response to see how an emotion-focused response builds connection, while logic or fact-correcting responses keep us on different tracks.
Example 1
Think back to the example with Bob.
Bob is sitting comfortably on his couch, enjoying a quiet afternoon. The house is still, and the familiar view outside his window – the trees, the other houses, the neighbours passing by – feels calming. Suddenly, a large figure appears at the edge of the yard. Bob doesn’t recognize him. The man is walking directly and quickly toward the front door with a large, heavy bag over his shoulder.
Example 2
Think back to the example with Ms. Patel
Ms. Patel has slipped into her favourite café. She visits most mornings for a quiet moment to herself. She chooses her usual table by the window and puts her bag down. When the server brings her drink, she’s expecting the warm, familiar comfort of her regular tea. But when she looks down, she sees a cup of coffee instead. The colour, the smell, the taste – it’s all wrong.
Example 3
Mr. Thompson is running a few simple errands on a quiet weekday morning. He stops at the bank machine to get out money for the week – just like he has every Tuesday for as long as he can remember. He inserts his card, enters his PIN, and as he waits for his balance to appear, he plays his favourite game: “guess the balance” – he takes pride in his ability to keep track of his money. Confident of his guess, he looks down to check the number on the screen. It’s lower than he expected. Much lower.
When we correct – rather than connect – it can cause negative feelings for a person living with dementia: for example, they may feel sad and scared about their memory loss, or angry and suspicious that they are being lied to. Over time, this can lead to a lack of trust and increased feelings of isolation and loneliness.